Someone once told me that if you want to be a good parent then you will be.  When I asked for parenting advice, I wasn’t expecting that answer.  But the more I thought about it, the more I saw the wisdom in it.  I have a seven month old boy named Elliott and he is the joy of my life.  He is a content baby, goes down for naps well, seems to be developing properly for his age, is healthy, beautiful, and I can’t believe that he is my son.  I don’t mean that I am questioning whether or not I’m the father, this is certain, I just mean that I feel as though I have turned around and I am 34 years old, married for almost 8 years, and I have a son… I am a dad.

  To be honest, this freaks me out a bit.  My next thought is, am I dad material?  I don’t have a normal job, and I keep asking myself, what am I gonna do for a living?  Will the band (Caedmon’s Call, of which I am the drummer) be around after this next album or this next tour?  I had these same feelings when I got married… Am I husband material?  What am I gonna do for a living?  The common denominator at both of these points in my life is that I was and am challenged to be a better man.  I want to be what my wife needs and I want to be what my son needs.  This is important for me to remind myself.  “I want” is the key in both cases, because don’t we tend to pursue what we want in life?
I find that my relationship with my wife and my son reflects similarities to my relationship with God.  I am challenged to be a better man when I think of Jesus.  The difference here is that although I want to be a better man for Jesus most of the time, there are times when I just don’t want to be the better man.  I know the truth is that even on my best day I am not even close to winning God’s favor, and on my worst day… well, I am still not even close to winning God’s favor.  So what is it that I want?  I believe what I want comes down to the reluctant acceptance of the realization that I need Jesus now more than ever… the gospel.  God is not pleased with me because I am a pretty good guy or even that I want to be a good husband or father, He is not even pleased that I want to be a better man for Jesus… sometimes.  God is pleased with Jesus.  I like to think that God might be pleased with me or at least my efforts just a little, but He isn’t.  What’s exciting about this, you ask?  Well, it seems that all I am left with is Jesus.  If Jesus is all I have and God is pleased with Jesus then that is pretty much all I have to get excited about.  So my fears of what I am going to do with my life and whether or not I will be a good spouse/husband are out-shined by Jesus.  My needs have always been met, God always takes care of His children.  What a great picture of what a good parent is.  Jesus is beautiful and believable, and the excitement comes in discovering that truth every day, even every hour.