Not that I'm complaining...really. 

When I began this blog last May, I was a month away from training for an Iraq deployment.  After two months of training for Iraq, and 5 months of work at the 80th Division Headquarters in Richmond, Virginia, here I am.  I work long shifts in Richmond, and see my family a couple of days each week.  Yes, there is STILL talk of my going over to Iraq, but the weeks and months are blowing by.  The Soldiers of my Division are working on a BOG (Boots On the Ground) clock that expires in mid-August. 

What is God teaching you when He makes you sit?  I'd like to know. 

I do work a lot of hours.  I answer phones at our 24/7 call center.  I send emails to Soldiers in Iraq.  I speak with my counterpart, the Chaplain who is working in Baghdad, and try to encourage his ministry.  But, in all, it just feels a bit confusing.

I left the academic world of UVa Religious Studies when I was mobilized.  Sometimes I pick up a book and read a chapter.  Today I came across a footnote for an article written by my former supervisor at Oxford University.  It made me long for my former self.  That guy I knew eight months ago; the evangelical, presbyterian pastor who was barrelling forward at Ph.D. work in the Early Church.  Seems like a shadow now, a mist.

There are moments of real ministry, though.  The saddest by far was last month.  We lost a Soldier to a rolled humvee.  The driver swerved to avoid an Iraqi civilian minivan that pulled out in front of him.  Just an accident.  He was laid to rest in Arlington, and I was honored, but saddened, to participate.  We've had other Soldiers come home from IED injuries, and it is a real privilege to sit with them at Walter Reed and hear their stories.  I try to share their burdens a bit, if I'm able.  They're okay, and healing up.

The war is going much better than is portrayed, of course.  Most of the country is safe, and we have many Soldiers in areas that have not seen one hostile event the entire 5 months that they've been there.  In December I presented 1.5 million Iraqi Dinar to the Red Cross.  It was collected by Iraqi Officers who were moved by the tragedy of the Gulf Coast.  What remarkable humanity is displayed in these new-born Iraqi-American friendships.  It is also true that some Soldiers have it harder than is portrayed on TV.  On TV the story is either that everyone is blowing up, or everyone is eating turkey and mashed potatoes 5 times a day.  The truth is that most guys are just slugging it out uncomfortably one day at a time.  As the bases are handed over to the Iraqi's, all the dining facilities and other support services turn into Iraqi services.  Lots of our Soldiers face eating MRE's from now until summer--else wretching their guts out trying to digest Iraqi cuisine.  We send them boxes and boxes of junk food.

In all, day to day, this Chaplain feels pretty insignificant--wondering if my great contribution to the Global War on Terror will be a year answering the phone in Richmond. Just counting days like the rest of the Soldiers.  Waiting for our part to be done so we can get back to our lives.  I guess that's a good quality in the American Soldier.  We don't like this stuff all that much!  Much better than war is returning to our lives, our families, and the places where God is making us significant.

But I don't discount the lessons of these days.  God purifies us in insignificance.  God humbles us by placing us in positions where we DON'T shine.  God drives us to rely on Him and His purposes when all of our own purposes and desires are frustrated...put on hold.  Not my will, but Thine be done. 

Not that I'm complaining.

© 2006, Timothy McConnell.