“If I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through, and if I can’t, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You. If I sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs, but if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home.” -Rich Mullins
     I can hardly get through this song without weeping, even still, 20 years or so after hearing it for the first time. My wife and I had this song sung at our wedding and to this day it still resonates with me.
     I had the privilege of knowing Rich briefly for a few years before his death in 1997. He had an awareness of Jesus that was inspiring and captivating, as well as, an awareness of himself and his need for Jesus that was equally inspiring and captivating. There was no sugar coating with Rich, what you see is what you get. His honesty was thought provoking and, at times, offensive, but it always seemed to heighten my awareness of Jesus.
     The honesty you got with Rich was rare to see, sadly. The lyric, “If I stand…”, implies that sometimes you can’t stand, or won’t stand and that is a hard truth to swallow. I don’t want to admit that I don’t have it all together or that when I think I have it all together I feel like God can’t say anything to me. Either way, is evidence of my unbelief that Jesus is not only sufficient, but also satisfying. Ultimately, I’m not being honest with God, myself, or others, which makes it all about me instead of Jesus. Who am I fooling?
     Anyway, I find hope in the words of this song and in the vulnerability that it leads to in my heart. The humility that it takes to be honest about my arrogance and pride is far outshined by the vulnerability that Jesus subjected Himself to on the cross. The question is not so much whether or not I stand, because sometimes I will and sometimes I won’t, but do I see Jesus standing and even singing for me? Rich got this and is now standing forever in the home for which you and I long.