Some years ago I read a book that I was sure every woman should read. Buying them in bulk, I distributed them to all my friends. (We joke that Campus Crusade staff members are evangelists for everything we love, whether it be bargains or books.) A few friends were also wooed by the book, and we began gathering yearly with the author to explore each other’s stories as we explored knowing Jesus more deeply.

The women in our office began meeting to talk about the book, too. That was four years and four books ago. We have had many women come through our office since then, joining our Tuesday book club. We close the doors to our conference room and unpack our lunches and our lives.

This has become a sacred time of friendship. In 2007 a Duke University researcher found that 50 percent of Americans have two or less people with whom they can have a meaningful conversation. (Obviously, your number of “friends” on Facebook belies your intimate confidants.) The results of this study are a fearful fact for Christians.

Prison Fellowship’s President Mark Earley writes of “soul friends,” peers with whom you could entrust your deepest thoughts. He also explains that around 600 A.D. in Ireland—where the gospel was flourishing--soul friends were a mainstay of Christianity. “Not only were these soul-friendships seen as the necessary ingredient for iron-sharpening-iron, but they were also a primary tool for spreading the Christian worldview. Any time that seekers, refugees, or aliens found themselves in the midst of these Christian communities, a particular believer in that community befriended them with the intentionality of becoming a soul friend. It began with what they called ‘the ministry of conversation’ and often lead to the miracle of conversion” (Breakpoint, September 24, 2007).

What’s changed most in our “book club” is that we hardly discuss the book now. We’re too eager to hear about one another’s battle for our hearts. We cheer brides and babies, writing awards and world travels. But mostly we listen for what is true, good and beautiful. Where is my friend’s heart finding rest? Is she withdrawing in fear or giving bravely, dependent on God’s lavish love? What beckons repentance and a truer view of the Trinity? And what simply requires a kind audience for lonely tears?

Author Larry Crabb suggests we know we have connected when “our urges to do good have been strengthened by our time together.” Doing good to ourselves and to others requires help—help from the Spirit, His Word and His body. Too often we prize our self-sufficiency and neglect the strength and tenderness of believers around us. We lack soul friends, and in turn, prove a poor witness to Christian community.

More often than not, it’s for pride’s sake:
I need to be perfect to be loved and accepted.
I don’t want anyone to know how much I manipulate my surroundings to make myself look good.
I can manage my life alone.

We’ve found that our book club has become more of an evangelistic club for believers, preaching the gospel to one another: God’s love, our sin and need for repentance, His forgiveness, His promises. It’s taken us these four years to earn one another’s trust, to find the foundation firm. But the time is well spent and the battle against sin is strengthened.