Is my love for someone dependant on their behavior? This may seem like an easy question to answer, and on one level it is, but on another its much more difficult. The “Sunday school” answer is easy. Our love should be unconditional like Christ’s love for us. We should choose to love those around us whether they deserve it or not, because we are loved by Christ and though we may think otherwise, we don’t deserve it. The difficult part is figuring out how to love that person when they don’t listen to good advice or wise council.
I found out recently that my brother, who is 20 years old, has been married for 8 months to a girl that he only dated for a few.

To my knowledge, she is not a believer. I have only met her once and that was when the two of them came to visit me earlier last year. I now realize that they were married during that visit. Weird. My family and I were all understandably shocked and hurt. We had grown somewhat used to the idea that my brother was going to do pretty much whatever he wanted to do no matter what we thought or advised, so we weren’t as shocked as we were hurt. I love my brother and realized many years ago that if he and I were going to have any sort of relationship beyond just bloodline, there would have to be a foundation built around honesty and trust. I believe that we have established a fairly solid relationship. He knows that I love him as a brother and a friend and I never tell him what decisions to make. When I am asked, I try to help him think through the different scenarios and repercussions that decisions have and encourage him to think and pray those through. I have tried to instill a sense of stability with him in that my opinions versus his decisions don’t affect the love I have for him. I had sensed over the last year that there was something that he wasn’t letting me in on… I never thought it would be this.
I think more than anything, I am just hurt. I feel betrayed and disappointed. My mind keeps thinking of all of the negative aspects of his decision. I am just dumbfounded, that he would make one of the biggest, most life-changing decisions without letting me know about it for almost 9 months. Grant it, I would have tried to talk him into waiting a bit, along with everyone else in my family, but still… At this point, its hard to know where to start. How do we mend the broken trust?
I have told my brother all of the fears and concerns that I have as well as my hurt. We have agreed to begin the next chapter of our relationship and I have expressed my interest in getting to know his wife. So all I can do is move forward and pray for wisdom on how to love from here.
Every family has its craziness and I appreciate you letting me share a little bit of mine. This is what has been on my mind lately. I have to remind myself that my brother is in a story that I am not writing, as are we all. I am learning to rest in this truth and pray like crazy.