Harry: You realize, of course, that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is—and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form—is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That’s not true….

       I’ve seen my fair share of folks grapple with this question: Can men and women be “just friends”? Having been a singles pastor, speaker, and radio talk show host, I’ve looked at this issue from all kinds of angles, and I’ve seen Harry’s stance proven time and time again. Now before you cry, “Blasphemy!” in the name of your platonic relationship of seven years, please allow me to explain why I think Harry is right, for the most part (I say, for the most part, because Harry’s position, in contrast to mine, is based solely on the desire of one or both parties to have sex).

       True, healthy friendships should be characterized by an equality of regard between those involved. When someone becomes romantically attached to another, there cannot be equality, and the friendship is tainted. Think about it…what is one of the qualities of friendship we value most? I would venture to say it’s objectivity. When one person likes the other—even if secretly—objectivity is thrown out the window, and the relationship has nowhere to go but down the proverbial path of pain.

       If you truly want to pursue an opposite sex friendship, there is a lot you must do, or not do rather, to keep it at that purely platonic level. 

1. Limit your one-on-one time. If you don’t, a level of intimacy not intended for the relationship can result. It also just plain doesn’t look good, especially if one of you is married or dating someone else. Is any friendship worth jeopardizing your covenant relationship or calling your witness into question?
2. Don’t give too much of your heart. This will only create a dependency which isn’t healthy for any male/female friendship outside of marriage. Here’s why: That friendship is temporary. If you’ve poured out your soul to someone who will ultimately bind his soul to another, you’re bound for emptiness.
3. Cultivate your gender-specific relationships. If someone doesn’t have any or just prefers opposite sex relationships, that’s a problem. It is often an indication that there are some deeper issues from the past that have affected his or her ability to feel deeply connected to those of the same gender. It could have been a distant mother that causes a woman to over-connect with men, or it could have been a harsh father that causes a man to seek too much affirmation from women. In any case, if you find yourself saying that you relate better to the opposite sex, evaluate why that may be the case—seek godly counsel, do whatever it takes to get to the root of the problem because you’re missing out on so much of the joy, encouragement, and comfort that God wants to give you through your same-sex relationships.
4. Don’t pray together. The “let’s be prayer partners” approach sounds sweet and spiritual on the surface, but it can actually be used as a form of manipulation. Praying is one of the most intimate experiences you can ever have. There is a fine line between spirituality and sexuality, and people who do not respect that line are in danger of getting burned. 

       You may still be crying, “Blasphemy!” after having read this. And the fact is, you wouldn’t be alone—this Harry and Sally debate will rage on long after blogging is outdated. Just be aware that if you agree with Sally, you may end up eating your words with a few tears “on the side.”