When I was young I was told by adults that you should never pray for patience, for you never know what means God will use to work it in you. My mentors seemed to distrust God’s providence, as if he were playfully, and almost mischievously, waiting for someone to ask for patience so he really could sock it to them just for being so foolish to ask. Despite their well-intentioned advice, I certainly think we should pray for the fruit of the Spirit, including patience, in our lives. Yet, we should indeed anticipate answers to our prayer, and sometimes not quite as we expect.

John Newton was a man who certainly understood this principle. Famous for “Amazing Grace,” John Newton was an African slave trader who converted to Christ and eventually left the trade to become a minister. He was plagued throughout his later life with the sin of his youth. The band Indelible Grace has introduced me to a hymn of his entitled “I Asked the Lord.”

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

I’m curious to know what the readers think of this hymn. Can you identify with Newton’s words? Do you think he’s right? Or could this hymn be evidence that despite penning “Amazing Grace,” he struggled with the assurance of his faith? How would you respond to a friend as tormented as Newton?