"You show up to everything.” “You don’t give up when you get your mind set on a goal.” “You’re a dependable person and friend.” “I know I can count on you when I need help.”  I receive compliments such as these from time to time. The expressed gratitude can puff me up for a second, but then I am usually brought back to reality and the blackness of my heart. A heart controlled by fog - fear, obligation and guilt. Psychologists often talk about these being three key unhealthy motivators in our lives. I know myself enough to know that I am often driven by fog. As I receive compliments like those above, I am often reminding myself of the sinful motives I have mixed with my good intentions.

When I am motivated by fear, obligation, or guilt, I am not loving the other person well. I am doing the very act of service for myself, too. Maybe I am afraid someone won’t like me if I don’t measure up. Or, I feel I must keep performing out of a sheer sense of duty. Or, I know that I will feel guilty for leaving a deed undone. In such cases, my service has much to do with protecting myself from feeling afraid, guilty, or like a slacker. One of my professors, Dr. Steve Brown of Key Life Network, has said in class that seminarians and ministry professionals usually struggle with guilt. In fact, our very feelings of guilt drive us to the ministry. The theory is that if one is a Christian and feels guilty, the best way to assuage that guilt is to become a “professional” Christian. If his premise is true, many pastors and others in vocational ministry often serve their flocks out of fear, obligation, or guilt. Acts that appear convincingly self-sacrificial can indeed be self-centered, focused on protecting oneself from fog. Such self-protection is not love. Furthermore, these motivations reveal much about what we believe about God, for our service to others is ultimately a service to Him. Do we - do I - really think that I must serve God out of fear, obligation, or guilt?

So, how do we escape fog? Do we stop serving others to avoid our sinful agendas? I don’t think so. I think we continue to serve, but that we keep our eyes on Jesus as we do so. Jesus Christ has fully paid for all our sins with His precious blood, and He has set us free from the tyranny of the devil. The Father desires for us to live in freedom and to delight in serving Him and others. He grants us the desire to love each other truly, and His grace is sufficient in our weakness. By His grace and the power of the Spirit, God is pleased to look upon our deeds with favor and to continue to work in us. Hebrews 13:20-21 says, “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” May we run into the arms of Christ as we seek His grace to love Him and each other in all that we do.

© 2006, Amy Lauger