I quit my job with the law firm about 6 weeks ago, to pursue some new opportunities. It is still a bit surreal – I wake up on Monday and no longer need to rush off to the gym, then rush home, then sprint to catch the last bus downtown that will get me to work on time, wondering when I will be home. I now have all the time in the world. While it was time to move on from the job, I do miss the security of a routine that gave me clear identity (even if it wasn’t me). I am now in the in-between. The next thing is in view, but not yet in place.
While leaving the law firm right now was my choice, I have friends who, with the economic downturn, have lost their jobs involuntarily. That is a bit scarier. I expect we will all “make it” in the end, but there could be some stomach churning days ahead.
Now if I had a choice, what would I want my posture in this situation to be? Strength and courage. I want to the kind of person who faces such uncertain future with strength and courage, the kind of person who says “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Not with bravado, or blissful ignorance, or cocky American self-assurance, or detachment, but with a steady awareness of self and situation that allows for the appropriate response in the moment (whether passion or peace). This posture would be a lot easier to maintain if I knew everything – like how the story ends and how it gets there. But I don’t. It would be easier if I were in control. But I’m not. It would be easier if I thought I was an absolute rock star in every area of life. I know myself too well, though.